Photobombing is an Artform [Yaksha/Tahavin]

"Is that so...?  You mean you do it just to do it?  Because your life is that full of intrigue?  I must say, I really -am- impressed.  I thought you had the face of a celebrity, but I was sure I was hallucinating."

Yaksha's words spilled out without a moment's pause, with nothing but the warmest and most sociable smile on his face.  The girl managed a feeble one of her own, ego properly stroked as Yaksha began to chuckle under his breath, reaching out for her phone and ever-so-gingerly plucking it away, holding it out in front of himself as he watched the girl and her friend standing there, staring at him dimly.  He rolled his eyes, and then pointed ever so slightly.  These two were so remarkably stupid, Yaksha almost felt like it'd be an evolutionary good deed to do away with the two of them.  But he knew all too well that it wasn't his place to make that kind of decision.

"Selfie, yes?  Just take a stance, and I'll get your picture for you!  I promise you, I've an excellent eye for quality.  This picture will be...spectacular.  And then you'll never have to see me again!"

He clicked the pictures carefully and slowly, turning back towards Jackson and snapping the picture without even looking.  One eye closed in a slow, almost lazy wink, before the turned back to the two girls, snapping another and then handing out the phone.  The girl bounded forward, only to stop after a split second, eyeing him warily.  Yaksha laughed slightly, raising his hands into the air like a man under orders by police.  But this time, the phone clattered to the phone...or would've if his foot hadn't snapped up, catching it midfall and knocking it back up into the air, where the girl snatched it up with a smooth motion.  Yaksha nodded slightly, clapping his hands as he did.

"Thank you, thank you for humoring me ladies!  I'm a bit of a performance artist, you know.  I'm still very new to the act, but I promise you, I can do some extraordinary things if you give me half a chance.  All you have to do is...believe."

With the word and an almost unfathomably complicated flick of his wrists, one that almost made it look like one passed through the other, Yaksha pulled out...another phone, this one looking absolutely identical to the one that he had taken from the young girl.

"Mind checking to confirm that's your phone, miss?  It should have your contacts, your pictures...and the two I just took, of course."

As the two girls crowded together, fawning over the gesture, Yaksha sidled just a little closer to the unexpected guest, nudging them ever so slightly with his elbow, and speaking in the tones of absolute sincerity and trustworthiness reserved only for the most skilled of liars.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't spoil the act for just a little longer.  Give me another two or three minutes, and then I'll answer all your questions."

"Your phone, yes?  Unmistakeably?  Then perhaps your friend would like to call it."

The woman did indeed begin dialing, again with a look of almost comical boredom on her face...until she noticed that the phone in her friend's hand wasn't ringing.  No, it was the one in Yaksha's hand that appeared to be producing the trademark sound, leaving Yaksha with a brow raised and that same good-natured smile as he watched the young woman who had initiated all of this blush and try to hide her face.  He laughed heartily, openly, and began to once more embark on that chaingun banter, words flowing smoothly and swiftly from between his lips, as if he were advertizing for something.

"Spongebob Squarepants?  Oh don't worry you're never too old to enjoy some of the classics, I still watch it myself every once in a while.  In fact..."

Yaksha's hands clapped together, flattening the phone with a rather sickening crunching noise.  When he pulled his hands away, there was no phone however...not even the faint signs of circuitry.  There was only a piece of paper gently fluttering to the ground, containing a picture of what looked very much like a pineapple.  His smile continued to creep across his face as he crossed his arms over one another, waggling his fingers at the two.

"Alright, a man knows when his welcome is overstayed.  I'll leave you two to your devices, after just one more trick.  I promise you, this will be quick.  You see, I have a rather remarkable gift for the oratory arts.  Yes yes, I know it seems a bit obvious.  But I want the two of you to come over here, and I -promise- you before this conversation is over, I'll be able to convince you that you've known me all your life."

He extended both of his arms, as if he intended to shake hands.  The two girls looked about slowly, almost curiously...but there was a crowd by now, a few lazy stragglers with nowhere in particular to go, standing by and watching.  Yaksha rose his brows once more, and nodded towards his hands.  The two girls stepped forward, reaching out to grab his hands, and his grin turned wider, shifting from something warm and friendly, the sort of thing people almost always wore for the simple appearance of it, into something...hungry.  Something manic.  His eyes gleamed with a mad exultation as his hands touched theirs, and sprung into motion as if on autopilot.  Each one slid down to their wrists in a single smooth motion, pushing up on their hands without exerting more than the faintest bit of pressure.  He didn't even seem to be forcing them to move their hands, so much as...letting them.  Confusion flashed across two pairs of faces, before Yaksha's words washed over them, leaving their eyes almost...hazy.

"You two have such nice hands, such such lovely hands.  I picked you out of the crowd because of those hands, those lovely lovely hands.  It's so hard to look away from them, aren't they?  And now, as you're looking at your hand, you realize for the first time just how lovely they really really are.  I mean, when's the last time you really looked at your hands?  I'm sure you put on nail polish every day, for those hands...but does that really count?  When's the last time you just stared at your hands, stared at your lovely hands and noticed how lovely they really were?  We say all the time we know it like the back of our hands but when's the last time you looked at the back of your hands?  Ten minutes ago?  Fifteen?  Even if it was just five seconds ago, when I turn your hands over, you'll appreciate just how beautiful they are."

He turned their hands slowly, ever so slowly...and the two girls widened their eyes, letting out twin childish titters of delight as they stared at something only they could see, leaning forward to stare at them quite intently.  Yaksha's hands rested gently on their wrists, checking their pulses as he watched the lids flutter, reality crashing in again, ever so slowly.

"And now you know why you remember me so much, don't you?  I'm the hand doctor.  I'm the one who reminded you how important your hands are.  Your lovely, lovely hands.  And you'd hate to do anything to damage those hands, right?  I mean, both of you plan on doing something special with those hands one day, yes?  These lovely lovely hands will change the world, somehow.  And I'm the man that'll make it possible for you.  All you have to do is pay attention to your pretty hands, to know the back of your hand like you know your favorite pop song.  And when I clap -my- hands, both of you will come back, feeling rested, refreshed, and excited to go home and do something special with those hands."

He paused for just a second, his brow furrowing as he glanced around, giving everyone a chance to wait with baited breath for him to finally release these two girls from an impossible spell.  Just as the tensions were highest, he rose his own hands once more, his expression turning into one of surprise.

"Oh god no, don't do that.  Please, I'm sure a lot of people present are hoping and dreaming, but let's not do that[]/b] first thing tonight, alright?  Something else special."

Even as the faint strands of laughter filled the air, Yaksha was clapping his own hands, watching the two girls' eyes return to focus, and smiling calmly, excitedly as he bowed ever so slightly.  The applause was scattered, not quite a proper sort of thing...but it was more than loud enough.  Yaksha had yet again managed to earn himself another day in this world, and it'd take something very wretched to pry him away from it.

Sidling close to Jackson, he spoke sotto voice, his grin never once wavering.

"So.  Am I the only one hard as a rock right now?"

"You sure?  It's actually not nearly as bad as you've been led to believe.  Fools used to have it pretty fucking good.  But eh, you don't seem like the sort to appreciate history so let's make this quicker."  


He rose his hands, wafting in the sounds and sensations of the crowd, allowing his grin to beam on his face.  Such a simple routine, little more than a basic application of a few psychological tricks, and already he could see the two girls tittering to each other, their lives no doubt changed by such a slight event.  Yaksha watched them for a few more seconds, saying nothing at all as he let his new target's reaitsu roll over him, drinking in the violence and anger there, sensing as much of them as possible without actually turning to face him.  Finally, he inhaled deeply, his chest puffing outwards and his eyes closing as he let himself get consumed by the simple sounds of life returning to routine.  Finally, after nearly a minute had passed, he turned towards Jonathon, extending his hand slowly, casually.

"Yaksha Dokuja.  Charmed.  Not me, you understand.  I'm the one doing the charming."

His grin never wavered, that ever so slight expression like he was sharing in some great joke with Jonathon, like he was simply giving this boy a chance to laugh and piss away some time with a creature so old that he could've doubtlessly answered secrets of the universe that had existed for centuries.  He simply stood there, hand extended ever so slightly, fingers waggling as he looked into the young mortal's eyes, drinking in the emotions there.  Negative attention was every bit as good as positive, in the short term.  Simply knowing he could rustle someone's jimmies that well was a pretty lovely sensation.  But so soon after he had charmed his way into the minds of at least a dozen humans?

He could deal with being hated, at least for a little bit.

"It's the holidays.  End of the year.  Isn't it normal to go sight-seeing around this time of year?  Thought I'd get out for a bit, see the sights.  Where I come from, you don't get sunsets like you do here.  Just...beautiful."

The child had tried the old 'attempt at dominance' handshake, and Yaksha didn't even seem to notice...not least of all because of the hand he'd extended.  Let Jonathon squeeze hard enough to shatter his own bones, it'd do no good.  But the effort was enough to almost make Yaksha's heart flutter.  This child clearly had a grudge that couldn't simply be explained by aggression.  This was far too personal, too direct.  This man, whoever he was, had to realize what Yaksha was.  He began to walk after Jonathon slowly, gesturing with one hand for the shorter man to come along.

He wasn't entirely sure where he was going or what he was planning on doing, but he already knew this child was going to be in for quite the trip tonight.  His brain was boiling over with ideas, far too many to reach out and grasp one, far too diffuse to be of any use yet.  Whatever he was going to do, it was best it stay a secret even from himself, until the perfect moment.  Somehow, Yaksha had found, his mind seemed able to race and break apart events so quickly that it almost seemed retroactive, once he'd finally decided on a course.  Or perhaps that was just the universe falling into place, leaving itself open for him to capitalize on.

"You know, normally people mention their own name after someone introduces themselves.  I get the feeling manners aren't really your thing, but everyone has to make the effort, you know?  It's what makes us human."

"You look stressed, Jackson.  You drink?  I know a few good bars in the area, we could get ourselves a shot or two.  I'd probably need ten just to myself, but I mean...you stay at it as long as me, you get a tolerance.  How's that old commercial go?  'Bet you can't just eat one'?  Man, I loved that."

Yaksha shook his head, his face once more settling into a faintly regretful smile, as if talking and thinking about the past seemed to leave him especially upset.  He walked alongside Jonathon, letting the atmosphere solidify into something decidedly hostile, the sort of situation that seemed like it could explode into violence at any moment.  But Yaksha continued to smile, walking alongside this human, speaking with such kindness and such dedication, as if he truly was a human.  There wasn't any of that normal mindless violence that any typical hollow would've exhibited, not even a sign of hunger present any longer.  Yaksha Dokuja was simply walking along, blending in among humans with the sort of natural ease that one who had spent decades practicing in front of a mirror could manage.

"So quiet, Jackson.  Isn't this what people are supposed to do?  Just walk around, making small talk?  Reminding one another that they're not alone in this wretched cesspit?  Yet you seem so disinterested.  Don't tell me you're the sort that gets hung up on appearance?  Racism went out of vogue a few decades ago, you know."  He waggled his finger in front of Jonathon's nose, waiting patiently, his eyes wide and curious.  The boy was clearly rising to a fever pitch, and Yaksha had no intention of watching the fever break before the boy did.  Explosions of emotion truly were one of the most interesting things to watch, for him.  Especially since his own emotions had been so fucked up for so long now.

It almost made him feel human, to watch humans acting like animals.

"How very odd.  I drink out of a rather scientifically sound need to fill a very real hole.  You mean some people fabricate reasons to make themselves miserable?  I always thought that was just on Tumblr."

Yaksha's smile still hadn't faded or changed in the slightest, but his hand had returned to his side, and his curious, appraising eyes seemed to wash over Jonathon with the full brunt of his attention, leaving the man feeling rather like an insect, skewered in place by a pin.  He seemed to be waiting patiently for...something, something not even he was sure of.  An epiphany?  An outburst?  Some sort of shared...sentiment?  Yes, that was it.  Pure sentimentality.  Irrelevant to hollows, but Yaksha wasn't exactly a hollow now, was he?  It paid to at least attempt to be properly sentimental.  The man who wasn't a man inhaled slowly, looking up at the sky.

"This world is a cesspit, make no mistake.  A simple waiting room for things far bigger and far larger.  It's a world where everyone shits where they eat, a world where everyone desperately attempts to turn one into infinity.  It's a doomed ball of rock in an unforgiving universe.  And the hyper-intelligent apes on it that fell down from out of their trees are the shittiest part.  They go around looking at the world, without any sense of...perspective.  The only appropriate response to the fact that there even exists a world capable of life is wonder.  And yet I watch those girls walking down the streets, clacking away on technology none of them understand...and being bored.  By the sight of the horizon and the stars.  Oh, believe me.  When it comes to being unilaterally and fascinatingly awful, nothing beats mankind."

Looking up at the sky, Yaksha's eyes misting over ever so slightly, he realized a few moments too late just what he had said, what he had done.  No normal person would speak that way, not in those sort of...absolute terms.  But that was fine because he wasn't human, right?  This boy already suspected it, whether or not he -knew-, and what was the harm in pretending just for a little bit that he was?  In partaking in this communal madness humans called civilization?  In being part of...a whole?  Separate, distinct, unique, and yet still welcomed?  The very notion of that would've been almost laughable in Hueco Mundo.

"If it's all the same to you, I'd rather the first round be in me."

"I wouldn't call mankind a plague.  Perhaps a parasite, at worst.  Humans certainly take quite a lot without giving back.  At the end of the day, there's no need to glorify mankind, or make it more than what it is; a group of very smart apes.  Their intellect alone is exceptional enough to make them one of the greatest things in this world to exist."

He sauntered into the bar, all smiles and smirks as he clapped his hands together, cupping his hands around his mouth.  He shouted out as if he had known everyone in this bar their entire life, as if he were returning to an old haunt.  As a matter of fact, this was exactly and literally true; as a hollow, Yaksha had visited this bar dozens of times, coming to know the patrons quite well as their alcohol-induced rambles revealed more and more of themselves.  Today as he shouted at the top of his lungs, everyone turned to him, trying their best to burn remaining brain cells and figure out why this guy seemed so familiar with this place, so at home...

"Drinks on me, boys!  Alright, so that'll be...one...seven...twenty three shots of whiskey, and what were all you guys drinking?"

Again, he wafted his hands in an odd, almost self-aggrandizing gesture from the ensuing laughter, the sounds of very drunk people who were very eager for any piece of good news right now, and even more eager to stay on the good side of a guy who was willing to give them free booze.  He let the applause and laughter die down, then reached into a pocket, carefully and easily peeling off three ten thousand yen notes from a roll, and placing them on the counter, before turning back to Jonathon and favoring him with that crooked grin.

"Hope you like licorice, Jonathon.  Tonight, you're in for a treat."

Yaksha paused with one shotglass halfway to his lips, eyes closing, hand trembling ever so slightly as he set down the glass.  He smoothed out his pants, ran his hands over the cuffs of his suit, and sat there in near dead silence for a few seconds.  The only sounds were those of alcohol being poured, and raucous laughter, but Yaksha appeared to have retreated into himself for a second.  When his eyes opened once more, he whispered slightly to himself, then turned to the human, nodding his head ever so slightly.

"Jackson.  My apologies.  I won't let it...happen again."

How had he screwed up something so simple!?  It was a name, and a common one at that!  He'd been so busy soaking in the attention, trying to keep his patter going, he hadn't even realized he'd been calling his would-be guest by the wrong fucking name!  It had seemed so simple at first, so...addictive.  Just being alive, being near people, he didn't even realize his own mind had started filtering things into the 'junk' category.  He stared at Jackson once more, with eyes that were remarkably soulful this time, as he reached out a hand without even looking.  There was no skill or poise this time, as he fumbled along for a glass, finally snatching it up and bringing the contents to his lips, drinking it down in an instant.  He closed his eyes for a second, wincing at the burn.

"You want to talk about fascinating.  Your body can keep precise track of where every limb and every part of it is, without you ever looking at them.  The unconscious processing that must take.  It boggles my mind, Jackson.  I sometimes find myself so infatuated by the simple act of staying upright and mobile that I...forget myself.  I'm sorry."

"Oh, how I wish I could forget.  How I wish my wretched body could let me leave things behind.  But when you get right down to it, I'm little more than a bundle of memories."

Yaksha's hand rose slowly, almost lazily...and the glass tumbled across his fingertips, only barely grazing them, to float almost gracefully into the air, and land with a clatter behind them.  Yaksha stared at it for a second, his expression...bland.  Absolutely expressionless, he turned back to Jackson, and managed an almost sheepish shrug...yet somehow, even then he managed to convey poise and confidence.

"Perhaps not 100% of the time.  Even athletes make mistakes.  All the same, the sentiment is appreciated.  I'm told that they've discovered a hell of a lot about the human body in the last century...but most of it goes right over my head.  I'm still stuck in the mindset of the four humours, and getting past that one took a while."

Yaksha snatched up another shotglass, downing the contents and barely concealing a wince as the burn once more landed in his stomach, leading his eyelid to twitch and his breath to come out just a bit too heavily, as he realized he'd been holding it a bit too long, in anticipation.  Yes, human bodies acted unconsciously on so many levels, but it still seemed to respond to expectations quite well...and that meant that Yaksha found himself baffled more often than not when this body betrayed his true intent.  He looked down at it, at his own hands, and began to turn them over.  Why was he feeling so talkative?  Alcohol had that effect, he'd seen it...but he hadn't realized just how irresistible the appeal was.  Or perhaps it was just the audience.

"Like...vanilla.  People always talk about vanilla being boring.  The baseline.  The...absence of flavor.  Something having vanilla flavoring is almost -disappointing- these days.  When I was a human, vanilla was -literally- worth more than your life!  It was literally royal treatment, to taste vanilla at all!  What does it tell you, Jackson, that we've come to see being treated like royalty as being treated like a commoner, only 1500 years later?"